Reclaiming has been a big part of my healing journey.
And in many ways, claiming things for the first time from a clean, healthy, aligned space. Holidays have been tricky for a while, with expectation feeling crippling for years after my trauma and abuse.
I couldn’t call or reach out to the people I loved, let alone pick out a card or do anything that resembled participation on special days. It would reduce me to a ball of panic in the middle of a grocery store, or I’d simply sit frozen and paralyzed by myself at home, jarred by every kind phone call or text message that came through. I felt personally attacked by everything merry at Christmas and oddly numb or empty as the many other occasions passed by me.
I’m still unsure about my relationship with some things… but I continue claiming and reclaiming every year. One by one, in ways that feel good for me, and for reasons I never thought I’d be choosing them.
Last year I reclaimed Christmas, and this year it’s everyone’s favorite-or least favorite-Hallmark holiday. I don’t have the desire to receive on this day… I could take it or leave it (the latter feeling more accurate if I’m honest). Yet it felt fun to put together little bags of love for not just one but three humans I adore who bring so much joy and healing to my life.
I can’t wait to tell you about this journey.
#TheUnravelBook shares just one season… but there’s so much more to say. My next book is itching to come out. It’s all about healing from the oldest wounds I’ve carried, the many traumatic experiences and relationships that followed, and the process of becoming who I’m meant to be as a result.
Living, loving, and losing are a trip.
Merry Hallmark Day to those who celebrate, and happy Sunday to those that don’t. Either way, remember-it’s just a day. We decide what meaning to give it or not. We determine whether it’s empowering or debilitating. We choose what we want to claim and reclaim or leave behind. And we decide when it’s time, one way or another: us and no one else.
Originally published at https://stepheniezamora.com on February 14, 2021.